The art of grilling...

Pretty much every weekend that I am home, I am grilling for dinner. It isn't b/c of any caveman instincts or the desire to piss off my vegan neighbor, which I love doing btw. No, I grill every weekend for the simple reason that I am the frickin MAN at it. If black belts were given for this, I would be Chuck Norris or Bruce Lee. I am Picasso with a ribeye instead of a paintbrush, except I will never go through a blue period or suffer from the candy assedness that most French men do.

I began my understudy training with my father, as most young men do. He taught me the basics and a few tricks of the trade, but it wasn't until 3 years ago when I was in Korea that I achieved my mastery level qualification. Koreans are actually big fans of grilling and bbq-ing, and realizing that a potential international incident was riding on my technique of the tong and spatula, I gave a performance worthy of standing ovations and shots of soju (Korean moonshine).

So here it is, another weekend and I'm typing this with a belly full of chicken quesadillas and grilled stuffed jalapeños. I know you're probably wondering how I prepared the chicken or jalapeños. Did I marinate the chicken overnight or what did I stuff the jalapeños with? If you're not, then you're either a vegetarian and don't care about chicken or somebody who harbors ill will to Mexico and therefore doesn't eat jalapeños as a form of silent protest. Either way, you are not worthy of a recipe that has brokered peace agreements in the Middle East, cured the blind, and could probably get your car 120 mpg if I liquefied it.

Oh, and if you're the vegetarian type, I have an awesome recipe for tofu/peanut butter/caramel pie with an oreo crust. For realz, it's the shit and since you probably use alot of tofu in your diet, you'll really dig it. Except I won't give it to you, b/c you refrain from eating meat. Thats a sin, hippie.